Mommy guilt...

I HATE going to work and so desire to be a stay at home mom. I feel so bad for leaving my baby girl every day. Last night just added more guilt to this working mommy's heart. I had a require work meeting at 7pm! ARGH! That's my baby time! So I had to be away from her all day, come home for a couple hours and leave again....just doesn't seem fair. I know it's just the way of life for most people now a days. I just have a really hard time with it. There is no way I can stay home with her right now and that breaks my heart. Maybe with the next baby I'll get to but I'm not holding my breath. I just try to remind myself that I'm going to work so I can pay by bills and be able to better take care of my little S instead of thinking that work is keeping my from caring for her. I still feel guilt but I hope it gets to be better over time.

Addicted to cloth diapers! Do what???

I'm seriously tring to pull myself away from diaper websites! Thank goodness there's not a real store in my area or I'd be in trouble! I'm finding diapers on sale, in big packages, and even some for free!! I don't want to stop buying! They are all so cute and there are so many options! I feel like a kid in a candy store! Yet....I find this addiction very strange... I mean, this is something my kid is going to poop in! I just ...can't...stop...

I still have some diapers coming in the mail. Those in the cloth diaper circle call it "fluffy mail". LOVE IT!!! Once I get everything I've ordered I will have a stash of:

3 BumGenius All-In-Ones
5 BumGenius Organic One size
2 BumGenius One Size Fleece
7 BumGenius One Size Pocket 3.0
6 GroBaby Shells
12 GroBaby soakers
3 GroBaby boosters
3 Hemp Baby Doublers

I'm really starting to wonder if I'll really be saving money by cloth diapering. I think eventually I will. I am not allowing myself to order anymore and I'm hoping to use these diapers on a second child someday. We'll see how they hold up! I keep reminding myself that even though I may not be saving tons of the green, I am helping the environment by eliminating some of my footprint in hope of a greener tomorrow.

Officially Cloth Diapering!

I have received most of my stash of BumGenius now!! I love cloth diapering so far! SOOO cute! There are such pretty colors and little S. seems so happy in her new pants. Last night was her first night in cloth and I must admit that I was nervous. It was completely successful!! No leaks at all! Today will be the hubby's first day giving it a try. I SOOO hope it goes well. I want him to be supportive in all this too. He is willing to try so that's a plus for sure!

The Cloth Trials

I have now tried each diaper in my trial from Jillian's Drawers except the prefolds. :) The cover they sent to use with them left red marks around little S's thighs and seemed super wide! I'm also not real comfortable with folding them and such. Anyway! I ordered more BumGenius! I will have a stash of 5 BumGenius Organic AIO's with snaps, 7 BumGenius 3.0 pockets, 1 BumGenius AIO Medium. I'm still considering keeping the GroBaby. I really like it right now but I'm just not sure how these diapers are going to "grow" with my baby. She is wearing it on the highest setting right now. It's super cute though and it hasn't leaked yet! I will be returning the largest portion of the trial package soon. I am really glad I gave it a try like this though! It was really encouraging and a good way to show my husband how different cloth diapers are these days!

Sheridan's Drawers

We received our trial pack from Jillian's Drawers! I am super excited to give these diapers a try! Last night was our first time ever using a cloth diaper. I chose to start with FuzziBunz. It didn't require to be washed and dried 3+ times before use and the inside seemed the softest to me. I put it on the smallest settings and it looked to me like it fit her ok! She seemed happy enough and it didn't leak! It did leave track marks around her thighs though. I don't know if this is normal for these diapers or not. The pampers never left marks around her legs. I have inquired about such things and will see what others have to say. I plan on trying the BumGenius 3.0 pocket diaper tonight as well as the GroBaby...maybe. :)

Yes, I will take some coffee in my creamer...

I stay exhausted! The time change is killing me and we're already a few days into it! Someone needs to tell my kid that it's ok to go to bed/get up at the proper times again. AH! The last few days she just wants to play and giggle like crazy at bed time. She doesn't want to nurse. I love her to pieces but mommy needs some rest! I have to get up at 5AM every blessed weekday to go to work. The fact that I hate my job makes getting up even more miserable. Regardless, I have a morning routine that gives me an hour to get ready and then I have an hour to spend with little S before I have to leave. This gives me time to change diaper(s), nurse her, clean her up if she throws up and start all over again...you know, just taking care of her and having some more baby-mommy time. :)

This morning, for some unknown reason, she decides to get up about 45 mins early! NOOO!! That's not how it's supposed to work! It threw my whole morning routine off and it just sucks....

So I'm now sitting here with my cup of coffee still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and praying I can get thru another day in my office. Like I have a choice...

Saving money now or later...

There are some things I do as a parent and I know I'm saving money now. Breastfeeding is one of those things. It was truely one of the most difficult things I'd ever done when my daughter was first born....but after we got the hang of it, it's one of the easiest things! I haven't had to buy any formula in her 7.5 months of life! I am so super proud of that fact! Breastfeeding is so good for baby and mommy - and the family wallet! I do pump every day at work with a pump that is on loan for free. This also helps as a new Medela is close to $300. I still think it would have been worth buying though. The pump would have been one of those items (had I had to buy one) that makes me question whether it's worth buying it now and saving money in the long run....or just paying for the formula and having the payments spread over time even though I'd end up spending more. Sometimes upfront costs are hard!!



I am at a crossroads with the cloth diapers in regards to the cost. Currently, I'm spending about $20 on diapers every week and a half - 2 weeks. Plus wipes and diaper genie refills. Depending on who babysits during the day also effects the number of diapers we go thru. The cost over time is insane!! Not to mention horrible to our environment!! I really think cloth diapering would be SO much better overall. However, I'm going to need a few hundred dollars to start them the way I want too. Pocket diapers are $10-$25 each depending on brand and where you buy them. I figure those kind will be the most husband and sitter friendly. Then I am buying cloth wipes and a diaper pail and a wet bag. I hear most cloth diapering parents get addicted to buying cloth and just can't stop! :) $$$$ I was telling my mother about the price of these new modern diapers last night and she just couldn't believe that ONE diaper cost so much. She also thinks I'm crazy for messing with them at all. ~sigh~ In my mind, about 6 months of buying disposables would buy a stash of cloth that would last til my daughter was potty trained and I can still use them for another baby. I think we need to find the money somewhere now...it will be worth it in so many ways!

Fluffy Bum - Here We Come!

I caught my husband at a good moment and he agreed to letting me try cloth diapers! I have ordered a 21 day trial package from www.jilliansdrawers.com and I can't wait to get it!! I'm so excited! I have been in search of laundry soap and am just ready to get started! The diapers shipped out today so I should have them in the next couple days. I am having them delivered to work so I can share them with the other mommys here. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I say something about wanting to use cloth. I want to show them all how far cloth has come!

I will keep posting on my cloth diapering journey!

Headband or no headband??

That is the question! It seems like the thing to do with baby girls...especially those that have little to no hair. I really don't think they look all that comfy though. My family affectionately refers to them as "head squishers" and doesn't use them. Well, yesterday little miss S was sporting a cute new outfit and it just happen to have a matching headband. So, for the first time in her 7.5 months of life, she wore a headband. She was actually quite cute in it too! :) It didn't look quite as uncomfortable as some of them do. It didn't leave a mark on her head. Although, it did leave an indent in what hair she does have! lol Surprisingly enough, she only pulled it off 3 times the entire time she wore it. She complained a little bit when I first put it on but not bad at all. So I think we'll wear he "head squisher" when the outfit calls for it. I still don't think I'll use them on a daily basis though. Girl accessories are so fun!

I'm a Milk Machine!!!

Yes! I've been breastfeeding about 7.5 months now! My goal is a year but I'm proud of myself for making it this far. It's such a rewarding feeling to watch your baby grow and know that her primary food source is what your own body is making especially for her. :) Breastfeeding doesn't come easy in the beginning...it was WAY harder than I ever imagined it would be. However, once we got it figured out, it's the easiest thing ever! You are able to connect with your baby in a way that noone else can. Each feeding becomes a special moment.

Then I had to go back to work!! UGH!! About 9.5 weeks after my little beauty made her entrance into this big scary world, I had to return to work. This means I had to start using a breast pump at work if I were to keep up my supply. What a pain in the rear!! There's no beautiful connection with an electric pump! It's awkward and strange. Luckily, I have my own private office at work to get this job done. There are others who use the printer in my office so I had to find a way to let them know not to come in without splashing "DO NOT ENTER! PUMPING MY BOOBS!" on my office door. The solution: I put a picture of my girl on my door while pumping. I told those who use my printer what it meant so they wouldn't come in. Anyone else who happens to walk down the hallway just gets to enjoy seeing her pretty little face on my door and doesn't know the wiser! The next hurdle was finding a way to pump hands free so I could continue to work while I was taking care of business. Yes, you can buy contraptions that assist with this but I knew there had to be a better option than paying out MORE money. So thru the advice from friends and some fancy planning on my own, I made my own hands free pumping assistant! Take an old sports bra, cut small wholes at nipple level just big enough to slip the pump cones thru and there ya have it! Does it look stupid? YES! Do I care? No... :) With this handy invention, I could now work away without even thinking about what my boobs were doing! Now, instead of getting 5 oz, I was producing closer to 7 or 8 oz!! WOOHOO BOOBS!! Now I'm pumping, typing, writing reports, answering phones! Multitasking at it's best!


Buzz ahead to today... I am SO tired of pumping! I still do it once a day because my baby still needs mommy's milk, but I dread messing with it at the same time. ~sigh~ I will carry on though! My baby needs me and I WILL produce! So the next time you call me and hear a swishing machanical noise in the background, you know what I'm doing... ;)

The Great Bum Debate

Cloth diapers vs. disposables.... most people think I'm crazy for even considering cloth diapers! However, they aren't your mom's/grandma's cloth diapers! The new "modern" cloth are pretty awesome, actually. There are diapers now available that go on just as easy as a disposable using velcro or snaps! How handy! This seems to make it easier to convince daycares and spouses to give them a try as well.

That must being said....I'm READY to give them a try! I've been researching like an obsessive crazy person. My hold up: my husband.

Me: "We could save tons of money!"

Husband: "I'd rather pay $4,000 then to try them! No way!!"

So here I sit with my "fluffy" wishlist and desire to try and no spousal blessing to do so! I am weighing my options. Option 1: Forget about cloth and continue to throw money away on sposies and fill up the world's landfills a little more. Everyone else is doing it! Option 2: Forget the hubby and do what I want to anyway! Option 3: Try talking to him one last time. Suggest that we do a $10/21 day trial pack to see if we both can handle the task. I might completely change my mind once I get started! (I doubt it though...I'm just weird enough that I'l probably think it's fun!)

I had considered gdiapers while pregnant and talked myself out of it because of the extra laundry and working full time. I'm finding that laundry is actually one thing that I'm doing well with right now and that a couple more loads a week isn't really going to make much difference to me. I've found that the child care provider is also at least willing to give cloth a try too. I think that it's doable....and if it's not, I can always send all the diapers back after the trial period and only be out $10!

So I guess we'll see what the next couple weeks bring. Stay tuned to find out if I get to try cloth or if my Little S remains in her sposies!

Getting Started...

I'm new to the blogging world...I've never really thought I had enough to write about to blog! Now I'm a mommy and I work full time so times are busy but I thought I could blog about the joys and struggles of a working mom who really just wants to be home with her baby!

This mornings joy was watching my baby girl, Little S, wake up. She makes me smile! We'll see how the work day treats me! I'm going to work on familiarizing myself with this blogging tool too... I guess we can call this post "practice." lol