Working Mommy Woes

I named my blog to reflect that I work, but I really haven't blogged much about it. I'm really not that happy with what I do. I didn't care much for it before I had Little S. and now that she's here, I completely resent coming to work most of the time. I have tried to convince myself that I am working so I can take care of her. I have health insurance. I need my income to pay bills. Even though I live in an office in the basement, I do see my coworkers when I want to. It's some adult socializing even if it's minimal. As a family, we need my job right now. My brain knows this....my heart isn't buying it. More than anything, I just want to be home with my baby girl! I feel horribly guilty each day when I drop her off at the day care. I know she has fun there...I know she's safe there. While I'm there with her, she's laughing and clapping and minutes after I leave, she's a happy girl. It's those minutes while I'm trying to leave that wrenches at my heart strings. As soon as she sees that I'm about to leave, she throws herself forward screaming and crying big allegator tears! :( It's all I can do to leave her that way. If I just stand outside the door for a bit, I can hear that she's fine. The guilt is still there regardless...

As you can tell from my blog, it's important to me to be close to my baby. Breastfeeding is important and, thankfully, we're still at it at nearly 11 months! It's been much harder to continue this while working and pumping, but I'm proud of myself for staying with it! I have really enjoyed babywearing with Little S. She's getting a bit big for it these days, but there was a time when I would strap her on as soon as I got home so we could have some close mommy/baby time. I could tell she missed me and wanted to be close. I'd wear her while going for walks and going shopping too. I wish that I had been able to wear her more.

Cloth diapering has also become important to me. It's also more of a challenge while working full time but, as with breastfeeding, we are overcoming obstacles to make it work! Thankfully, out daycare is willing to use them as well so we don't have to worry about disposables at all! :)

My point, everything that is important to me to do for my baby is so much harder while working full time. Even though I'm following thru with these things, I still don't feel that I can give her (or my job or my husband) all the attention I want or need too. I'm always falling shorter than I find acceptable somewhere.

To brighten my day, and maybe yours too, here's my Little S. showing that big cheeser smile that I love so much!

Green Mommy by accident

I have never been known for being "green" or super into the whole "save the environment" movement. We don't recycle anymore, we drive whatever vehicles we want with the only concern being the cost of gas to run it. Hybrids are to expensive to buy. We leave lights on and use resources poorly at times. I really need to do better following up on somethings that are within our control.

That said, yesterday at church I was talking with some other mommies and mentioned breastfeeding. They were shocked! They said that you just don't hear about people doing that anymore. Huh?? Then I mentioned that I used cloth diapers too and that got an even more surprised reaction. I expected an amazed reaction about the diapers but not so much the breastfeeding! The one mommy said "Wow...you're just an all natural mom, aren't you?" Who? me? Seriously? I guess I'm getting more green all the time! I guess I am a pretty natural mommy! I sure didn't start it to be green....I always knew I wanted to breastfeed. It just seemed like the best thing for me and my baby and it meant I didn't have to spend all that money on formula! Save money, good for baby - win win, right?! The cloth diapers - I started them because I thought there were super cute! Also, I really don't want to keep buying sposies that just gets thrown away. It really feels like throwing away money. Also, my nursery was beginning to smell like poo all the time! I guess you're really supposed to dump poo out of sposies too but I don't know anyone who does! Even the diaper genie could not contain the smell once we started baby food. Since using cloth, NO SMELL!! I dump, dunk, swish - whatever I need to do to remove the poo and then throw it in the pail!

I guess I'm a green mommy by default! I still have many other areas of my life that could be "greener" but one thing at a time, I guess! Being that diapers take 500 years to disintegrate in a landfill, I feel like I'm making a difference even if small compared to the whole.

Saving money now or later...

There are some things I do as a parent and I know I'm saving money now. Breastfeeding is one of those things. It was truely one of the most difficult things I'd ever done when my daughter was first born....but after we got the hang of it, it's one of the easiest things! I haven't had to buy any formula in her 7.5 months of life! I am so super proud of that fact! Breastfeeding is so good for baby and mommy - and the family wallet! I do pump every day at work with a pump that is on loan for free. This also helps as a new Medela is close to $300. I still think it would have been worth buying though. The pump would have been one of those items (had I had to buy one) that makes me question whether it's worth buying it now and saving money in the long run....or just paying for the formula and having the payments spread over time even though I'd end up spending more. Sometimes upfront costs are hard!!



I am at a crossroads with the cloth diapers in regards to the cost. Currently, I'm spending about $20 on diapers every week and a half - 2 weeks. Plus wipes and diaper genie refills. Depending on who babysits during the day also effects the number of diapers we go thru. The cost over time is insane!! Not to mention horrible to our environment!! I really think cloth diapering would be SO much better overall. However, I'm going to need a few hundred dollars to start them the way I want too. Pocket diapers are $10-$25 each depending on brand and where you buy them. I figure those kind will be the most husband and sitter friendly. Then I am buying cloth wipes and a diaper pail and a wet bag. I hear most cloth diapering parents get addicted to buying cloth and just can't stop! :) $$$$ I was telling my mother about the price of these new modern diapers last night and she just couldn't believe that ONE diaper cost so much. She also thinks I'm crazy for messing with them at all. ~sigh~ In my mind, about 6 months of buying disposables would buy a stash of cloth that would last til my daughter was potty trained and I can still use them for another baby. I think we need to find the money somewhere now...it will be worth it in so many ways!

I'm a Milk Machine!!!

Yes! I've been breastfeeding about 7.5 months now! My goal is a year but I'm proud of myself for making it this far. It's such a rewarding feeling to watch your baby grow and know that her primary food source is what your own body is making especially for her. :) Breastfeeding doesn't come easy in the beginning...it was WAY harder than I ever imagined it would be. However, once we got it figured out, it's the easiest thing ever! You are able to connect with your baby in a way that noone else can. Each feeding becomes a special moment.

Then I had to go back to work!! UGH!! About 9.5 weeks after my little beauty made her entrance into this big scary world, I had to return to work. This means I had to start using a breast pump at work if I were to keep up my supply. What a pain in the rear!! There's no beautiful connection with an electric pump! It's awkward and strange. Luckily, I have my own private office at work to get this job done. There are others who use the printer in my office so I had to find a way to let them know not to come in without splashing "DO NOT ENTER! PUMPING MY BOOBS!" on my office door. The solution: I put a picture of my girl on my door while pumping. I told those who use my printer what it meant so they wouldn't come in. Anyone else who happens to walk down the hallway just gets to enjoy seeing her pretty little face on my door and doesn't know the wiser! The next hurdle was finding a way to pump hands free so I could continue to work while I was taking care of business. Yes, you can buy contraptions that assist with this but I knew there had to be a better option than paying out MORE money. So thru the advice from friends and some fancy planning on my own, I made my own hands free pumping assistant! Take an old sports bra, cut small wholes at nipple level just big enough to slip the pump cones thru and there ya have it! Does it look stupid? YES! Do I care? No... :) With this handy invention, I could now work away without even thinking about what my boobs were doing! Now, instead of getting 5 oz, I was producing closer to 7 or 8 oz!! WOOHOO BOOBS!! Now I'm pumping, typing, writing reports, answering phones! Multitasking at it's best!


Buzz ahead to today... I am SO tired of pumping! I still do it once a day because my baby still needs mommy's milk, but I dread messing with it at the same time. ~sigh~ I will carry on though! My baby needs me and I WILL produce! So the next time you call me and hear a swishing machanical noise in the background, you know what I'm doing... ;)