Working Mommy Woes

I named my blog to reflect that I work, but I really haven't blogged much about it. I'm really not that happy with what I do. I didn't care much for it before I had Little S. and now that she's here, I completely resent coming to work most of the time. I have tried to convince myself that I am working so I can take care of her. I have health insurance. I need my income to pay bills. Even though I live in an office in the basement, I do see my coworkers when I want to. It's some adult socializing even if it's minimal. As a family, we need my job right now. My brain knows this....my heart isn't buying it. More than anything, I just want to be home with my baby girl! I feel horribly guilty each day when I drop her off at the day care. I know she has fun there...I know she's safe there. While I'm there with her, she's laughing and clapping and minutes after I leave, she's a happy girl. It's those minutes while I'm trying to leave that wrenches at my heart strings. As soon as she sees that I'm about to leave, she throws herself forward screaming and crying big allegator tears! :( It's all I can do to leave her that way. If I just stand outside the door for a bit, I can hear that she's fine. The guilt is still there regardless...

As you can tell from my blog, it's important to me to be close to my baby. Breastfeeding is important and, thankfully, we're still at it at nearly 11 months! It's been much harder to continue this while working and pumping, but I'm proud of myself for staying with it! I have really enjoyed babywearing with Little S. She's getting a bit big for it these days, but there was a time when I would strap her on as soon as I got home so we could have some close mommy/baby time. I could tell she missed me and wanted to be close. I'd wear her while going for walks and going shopping too. I wish that I had been able to wear her more.

Cloth diapering has also become important to me. It's also more of a challenge while working full time but, as with breastfeeding, we are overcoming obstacles to make it work! Thankfully, out daycare is willing to use them as well so we don't have to worry about disposables at all! :)

My point, everything that is important to me to do for my baby is so much harder while working full time. Even though I'm following thru with these things, I still don't feel that I can give her (or my job or my husband) all the attention I want or need too. I'm always falling shorter than I find acceptable somewhere.

To brighten my day, and maybe yours too, here's my Little S. showing that big cheeser smile that I love so much!

Yesterday was my FIRST Mother's Day

I must say, it really didn't go as expected. Little S made a fingerpainted "puff" can with flowers in it for me at daycare. It's SO cute and one of those little things that really warm your heart. I also got a card that she "signed" herself in perfect baby-playing-with-a-pen scribble.

I thought maybe I'd get to relax with my baby and go out to eat or maybe have the hubby cook for me. (He LOVES to cook and used to do it all the time) Well, hubby spent all our extra money on work clothes so we didn't have any extra to go out. That's ok... He offered to make me dinner and even thawed out the meat. Then he proceeded to putter around the house demanding when the food would be ready because he was hungry. He mowed grass while I cooked my Mother's Day dinner, cleaned baby bottles, did laundry and cleaned the kitchen. This too is ok... I'm taking care of my family and that's my job. My family makes me happy even if they also make me tired!

It was a less than glamerous first Mother's Day but I'm still super grateful for what I have and really love being a Mommy! There's nothing better in the world!

Mommy's aren't allowed to be sick...

I felt the germ coming on Monday...sneaking up on me like it had too. My body was slowing down and by the time Monday evening rolled around, I ached all over and felt like my head was going to explode. BUT, I still made diner, cared for Little S, lowed the crib and changed the sheets on her mattress. My darling husband was a big help...he brought me the tool in which to lower the crib with. :/ I believe I was fevered as I went to bed. It was a horrible night and I ended up missing work on Tuesday. This meant that Little S. also missed her second day of daycare. I did rest more on Tuesday ...but I still was up about 8AM to put food in the crock pot and take out the trash. I still cared for my baby girl all day. I went to the doctor and got meds for me even if they are limited. (Can't take many meds while breastfeeding....haven't had good meds since 2008 - I miss them!) We then took Little S. to her InfantSee appointment at the eye doctor. She did GREAT!!! She is slightly far sighted so we'll be going back in 6 months. She was such a good girl though! I gave her a bath and did my normal evening routine at home.

Today, I'm back to work but have no voice left. Feeling some better but still pushing myself. Seems like the only option I have! I am a woman, I am a mom!! Sickness is an inconvenience that just doesn't fly around here. Hope my limited meds do wonders!